The Queer Academy
by ThePlotMurderers
Summary: Our really messed up parody of the Austere Academy...staged as the first book! Read it, you know you want to!
1. Chapter 1, The Children Are Pissed

The Queer Academy

Disclaimer: We own nothing…except the unique plot twists…any other references or allusions you find to other things sooooo don't belong to us!

A/N- Hi!

Chapter 1, The Children are Pissed.

It was a horribly ugly day as usual in Lemony Snicket Land and the Prufrock Preparatory School was queer as ever on that day.

On this particularly crappy day the three Baudelaire children were being driven to this school by their parents whose names both began with the same letter…Beatrice and Bertrand…come on who names there kid Bertrand…WTF?!

The Baudelaire children had the gayest talents ever. There was Violet, the hot, smart inventor. There was Klaus {AKA Chubs} he loved to read all manner of crap about all sorts of things great and small; he wore glasses which made him look even fatter. Finally, there was Sunny the Mutant baby; she was born with a mutant gene that gave her four teeth that were as sharp as daggers, as such she enjoyed to bite things…and gay guys…she's like those dogs whose owners train to be racist.

I am going to begin my annoyingly long story with Sunny shouting in her baby language {which for some trippy reason her family members could understand}, "Kosshi!" by this, her fellow Baudes knew she meant… "Look at that mysterious locomotive emerging from the fog!"

Mr. Baudelaire laughed like a jackass, "What locomotive Sunny?" here Violet replied, "I think she means the large freight train that's barreling towards our car at an incredibly fast rate."

To this Mrs. Baudelaire replied, "Oh! You mean that locomotive!"

"We must flee the automobile!" shouted Klaus, {or as I will call him, Chubs}.

But the Baudelaire parents would not listen to reason and insisted they stay in the car and continue driving. "Oh, enough of this crap!" Violet exclaimed, using the car jack to break the window, "Come on Klaus, come on Sunny, if Mom and Dad won't listen to us then we're better off on our own!" Violet then jumped out, through the window, she was followed by Chubs, who was carrying Sunny. About five seconds after they had escaped, the car was run over by the locomotive, crushing the Baudelaire parents with its big trainness!!!!!!!!!!!!

"!" said Chubs in a gay way. Suddenly, a hobo pounced on them, "I've got you now orphans!" he exclaimed. "Shaaccck!" said Sunny, meaning "Who the hell are you!" The hobo replied, "I am Count Olaf the famous actor! And you are the Baudelaire children…or orphans now…giggle, giggle goo!" "Indeed," Chubs cut in, "we're going into the strip club/bar/school." Replied the hobo, "Excellent! I will soon be in you!" Said Violet, "Sorry but we have to go, hobo/pedophile." "I well get you in my grasp one day orphans!" yelled Olaf, "!" On entering the school, Chubs said, "That was a nice man and I want to be just like him when I grow up!"

A/N- Like it, huh? You might have guessed that Olaf was a pedo. You'll find out more in the chapter, after chapter, after chapter. ;D


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2, The Vice Principal Smokes Pot

Disclaimer: We must reiterate, we own nothing NADA ZILCH!!!! Haha Zilch.  
A/N: We'd Like to Thank Our First Ever Reviewer...{drum roll}...THEBAUDELAIREORPHAN!!!!!!!!!! YOU ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Carrying on.

The Baudelaire children or should I say orphans were guided to the Prep's Administration Building by a little dwarf man whom Sunny attempted to wrestle. The dwarf left them at a door on the top floor, saying, "The man in that room will KILL YOU!!!!!!!!!! Jerks." He then walked away, Sunny flipped him off as he hit the stairs.  
"Hmm..." Chubs contemplated to his siblings, "Who do you suppose waits for us beyond that door yonder?" To this, Violet replied, "Klaus, did you take your medicine this morning?" "What medicine?" "Forget it!" Violet was the one to work up her courage enough to knock on the door, a few seconds after she did this, a raspy voice came from inside saying, "Entrez!" Violet pushed forward and the door swung open revealing a really untidy apartment, standing center in this pigsty {heh} was a frightening spectacle of bloody hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This man who lay in the rumpled bed before them was a monster, I will describe him later...suffice it to say that he was smoking pot, he also appeared to be naked revealing the most hideous chest flab on Gods Earth, his hair was tangled and red, going down to his shoulders like a little school girl's his nose was pinched and pink, and his eyes were beady. Next to him was another naked guy, this man had greasy black hair and a very thick mustache, he was chomping on a banana and the children saw several banana peels on the bed and the surrounding floor.  
"Um is this a bad time?" Violet asked the pot man in a very perturbed voice.  
"What ?" he replied in a voice, drowsy from the white stuff, "Oh, no, no, not at all...who the hell are you...pumpkins." Chubs was offended at this and replied, "My dear sir, we are not pumpkins, we are children, the Baudelaire children to be precise. We were enrolled last week, per telegram, and we have come to be students here..." Violet cut off her idiot brother. hadn t he realized that their plans had changed? "Actually, we can t be students, our parents just died in a freak train accident." "Yappo!" said Sunny, which meant, "It wasn t an accident, it was murder I tell you MURDER!!!!" No one paid any attention to her however, as the pot man spoke, "Nonsense, you must be students here, once you are enrolled you are mine...ALL MINE!!!!!! MUHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I am Vice Principal Nero, violin, extraordinaire!" Here he bowed, but only the banana man applauded, at this, Nero appeared to be very enraged, "Ah, then, so you doubt my talents?!?!?!" he roared inhumanly, "I will just have to give you an example of my amazingness then! But first I had better change!" He then got out of bed, wrapping a sheet around his person, he ran off into a room that must have been the bathroom and shut himself inside.  
There was an awkward silence, in that silence the banana man finished his banana, tossed the peal aside and started on a new one, seeing the plentifullness of bananas, Chubs asked the banana man, "Hey, could I have one off those?" here, the banana man roared in rage, and threw his current banana at Chubs' face, Chubs began to roll about on the floor, screaming like the Dickens; all this time, Violet and Sunny were calmly watching.  
Eventually, Nero reentered the room wearing a hideous brown suit and a necktie with snail patterns on it, he had also used rubber bands to tie his hair up into four pony tails he lit another cigarette and seemed to get even more high, he said to the children, "Ah, I forgot to introduce you turnips to my fellow teacher, Mr. Remora." he gestured to the banana man...or, as he is now to be called, Mr. Remora, "I would also like to introduce you to another teacher...Mrs. Bass!" Suddenly from under the bed sheets emerged a fat balding guy who seemed to be mostly naked as well, "Hello children," the man said to the Baudelaires in a deep, bass tone, "I am Mrs. Bass..." "But, you're a guy." Violet interupted, she was really weirded out now.  
"I am not a man, I am a women!" stated the he/she as he/she adjusted a messy black wig on his/her head.  
The children were spared of thinking of something to say, when they were interupted by Nero, who had now taken out an ugly ass old violin, he announced to the present company, "Now, for my performance!" "Guys," Violet whispered to her siblings, {Chubs had now recovered from the banana incident} "guys, don t look at it; don t look at it no matter what happens!" Chubs and Sunny nodded and the three Baudelaires closed their eyes as Nero began to play a horribly scratchy tune on his violin, "Though I am a mouse," he sang in an annoyingly off-key voice, "I play to a full house; it s my violin that draws you in!" In the horror that instituted from this hellish orchestra, the present company screamed and held their ears {Mr. Remora s ears started to bleed}. Suddenly, a random guy dashed into the room and jumped out of the window, promptly killing himself. Nero quickly ended his recital, exclaiming, "My God! That was Principal Jorgensen! Wait that means that now I'm Principal...oh, skittles for wizzels!!!!!!!" Nero practically skipped over to his intercom, he pressed the button and spoke, "Irene, I am now School Principal as such, I will establish some new rules. The day care center is abolished." here Sunny interupted, "Mooch!" which meant, "If the daycare center is gone then where am I staying?!?!?!?!" Nero continued, "Oh, and Irene, you re fired, I m replacing you with a smelly one year old that can t speak English. Also, all new orphan students must stay in the tool shed in back, that is all!" Violet was majorly pissed and exclaimed, "Um, did you make all those rules because we interupted your gay orgy!" "Yes I did," Nero replied, "Now out of my office"!

A/N-Plot Murderer #1 speaking. I know he is evil! He was a jackass in the book, too. CHUGGA, CHUGGA CHOO, CHOO! CHUGGA, CHUGGA MICKEY MOUSE! SO LONG FOLKS I M GOING TO VEGAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	3. Chapter 3

apter 3, School Sucks!

Disclaimer: O.K. for those of you who haven't yet figured this out…WE ARE NOT LEMONY SNICKET!!!! WE ARE THE PLOT MURDERERS AND WE ARE WRITING A PARODY!!!!!

A/N: We'd like to thank our Chapter 2 reviewers! The Baudelaire Orphan was ekind enough to review again! And GHOST 4303 was also super cool to review!!!!!! Story commence.

Nero sent the Baudelaires to their new home…a rickety old tool shack that was falling apart. "What primitive living accommodations!" exclaimed Chubs once they got inside. The shack was infested with perverse crabs that were all playing craps, the ceiling was dripping with some kind of deadly fungus and the wallpaper was all pictures of Celine Dion.

"Oh…" gasped Violet, "what kind of lunatic is that guy…with his ponytails…and his violin music…and his…" "Piffle!" exclaimed Sunny, which meant, "Someone please change me!" her siblings didn't need translation to know what she meant, ""Oh, Sunny!" exclaimed Chubs, "You are quite odiferous!" "I'll go change her…" said Violet, but then she remembered, "wait, our luggage was run over by that train…so there aren't any diapers…I think I can invent something." Violet, carrying Sunny, left the shack; Meanwhile Chubs took out the book that Nero had given him, "Prufrock Rules That You Should Know, by Nero, the Genius."

Goo

30 minutes later, Violet reentered the shack, holding Sunny who was wearing a little outfit made of green leaves and sap. "It was the best I could do." She said upon receiving Chubs disturbed look, at this Chubs exclaimed to his sisters, "We'd best rush to lunch, this book says that if we are ever late to anything we will become Nero's personal slaves!"

At this shocking revelation, the Baudes rushed off to the cafeteria, where they saw a most horrifying sight...DUN, DUN, DUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was a giant bleu cheese fondue…standing only a few inches below the high ceiling, bubbling and steaming like a giant volcano. Though the Baudelaire sisters gawked at this cheesy spectacle, Chubs was staring off to the other end of the lunch line where a girl had just dropped her lunch tray, the girl had curling brown hair that went down a little past her shoulders she wore a green strapless top with knee jeans, Chubs salivated as her bosom sloped gracefully down as she bent to pick up her tray. "Klaus," Violet nudged her brother, trying to break him out of his trance, "Klaus, stop ogling that…" but she was cut off as a boy who looked like the girl only with guy…preferences, stepped over to help what must obviously be his sister…at this Violet began drooling to.

After the drool fest was complete, the orphans took there trays of fondue and walked over to a table that was complete empty, on there way to this table, a pretty redhead girl ran up and bumped into Violet, as a result of this, the redhead was promptly covered with steaming fondue.

"Uh…" she trailed at Violet, looking as though she was going to eat her very soul, "you've put a stain…you've put TWO STAINS IN MY DRESS FROM PARIS!!!!!!!!!!" Violet took several steps back saying, "O.K., O.K., calm down…it was an accident…" "I'LL MAKE SURE YOU DIE AND YOUR SOUL GETS EATEN BY EVIL STRAWBERRY POWER SMOTHIES FROM MARAKESH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" the girl was obviously annoyed {as if that wasn't the understatement of the century} Violet tried to cool her off, "Uh, I think you're exaggerating just a teensy bit…" she then added under her breath, "As if that wasn't the understatement of the century!" the girl was in her rage pudding, "You'll be sorry you ever messed with Carmelita Spats…" she leaned in so that she was only an inch from Violets face, "Orphan." Violet was really freaked out… "Wait, how do you know I'm an orphan?" to this Carmelita replied, "I have planted informers to follow you around…and now I'm going to have everyone sing a degrading song about you!" The brat suddenly began to lead the whole room {even the fat lunch ladies…and Chubs…and Sunny} in a rousing chorus of "CAKESNIFFING ORPHANS IN THE ORPHANS SHACK!!!!!!!!"

After 4 hours of that same sentence over and over again, the boy Violet had been watching tossed a live pig at Carmelita and said, "Leave them alone, Carmelita, ya skanky biznitch!" he then added to the orphans, "Come on, you can eat at our table."

The children followed the boy over to his table, as they walked, Violet muttered, "Thanks for backing me up guys." To her siblings, at which Chubs replied, "I might've broken a nail!" and Sunny said, "Craksokowa!" which meant, "Hey, I'm just a baby!"

The boy led them off to a table that had only one other occupant, the girl that Chubs had been staring at. When Chubs noticed the seating arrangements, he began to drool.

Toves

"I'm Duncan Quagmire," the boy introduced himself, "and this is my sister, Isadora." "Hi!" said Isadora cheerily. Once everyone was seated, Duncan spoke to the Baudes, "Don't mind Carmelita," he said seriously, "she's only like that because she's rich and has no real friends." To this, Chubs remarked, "Why, I am rich, and I have no friends!" Violet had to admonish her idiot brother…he was embarrassing her in front of Lord Sexy {Duncan}, "Well technically we're not rich anymore," she chose her words carefully, "just this morning our parents were crushed by a train and nobody seems to be doing anything about it."

I am now going to cut out an important plot device by making Isadora say, "Oh, well we're rich to…but our parents are alive so we really can't relate to you at all."

"But that's O.K.!" Violet began in a way too happy voice, "Because........." Now Violet and Isadora jumped up and began to sing in the center of the cafeteria, "Some guys take, a beautiful girl…and hide her away from the rest of the world…I wanna be the one to walk in the sun…Oh…girls they wanna have fun!!!!!!!! THAT'S ALL THEY REALY WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANT

…OH GIRLS THEY WANNA HAVE FUN!!!!!!!!

After spending the rest of the day partying with their new friends, the orphans walked back to there shack, feeling splendiferous. "Maybe this school won't be so bad!" Violet said to her siblings, Chubs began, "I concur. With the marvelous Quagmires about, I feel that we can enjoy life quite swimmingly from now on!"

Oh, God were they wrong!

A/N: Hi, Plot Murderer #2 speaking! Hope you enjoyed the random sense of humor which guided me to write this insane chapter…more insaness to come fuzzbuddies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Update coming next Friday! :)


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4, WTF?!?!?!

A/N: We'd like to thank our splendid reviewers, The Baudelaire Orphan {keep it up!}, The Greenbank Girls {You're Awesome!} and Foxstar-Warriors Fan101 {I checked your profile, thanks so much for putting us in your favorites!} Well...get reading!!!

Disclaimer: Must we still go over this? We do not own 'A Series of Unfortunate Events' or anything else you might find that you recognize from the telly or otherwise sources of entertainment! {Adapts Napoleon Dynamite voice} GOSH!!!!

The children were roused at precisely 4:00 AM the following morning by a loud bell that nearly gave Chubs a heart attack. This was the bell for the start of the day, and the children found themselves in an immediate fix, "Damn!" screamed Violet, "All of our other changes of clothes were run over by that train!" "Ah, but I have a solution!" exclaimed Chubs, "I read in a book!" "Kreex!" said Sunny which meant, "You often read books, you fatass!"

15 minutes later, the Baudelaire orphans entered the cafeteria wearing clothes that Chubs had ordered Violet to make…out of old flour sacks. "I'm so embarrassed right now!" sighed Violet miserably.

After breakfast, the children set off on there ventures, Violet, to join Duncan in Mr. Remora's class, Chubs, to join Isadora in Mr/ Mrs. Bass' class and Sunny to be Nero's new secretary.

CUE RIDICULOUS 80s MOVIE MONTAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

{the song, "I'm So Excited" begins to play}

In Mr. Remora's class, Mr. Remora began telling a story:

"Once upon a time, I had a beautiful boyfriend named Nero…he was a very good man but he screwed me over last night and went out with a he/she, the end."

In Mrs. /Mr. Bass' class, Mr. /Mrs. Bass brought in a bunch of assorted crap and shouted, "MEASURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ooo, eee, ooo, ah, ah, ting, tang walla, walla, bing-bang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

In Nero's office, Nero had placed Sunny behind the receptionists desk, gave her a bazillion, quadrillion, million papers and a little stapler, shouting "Staple, I command you!!!!!!! I must go and rehearse!"

MONTAGE OVER

"!", yelled Sunny, at lunch, while drinking some William's Ale to silence her horrible stapler visions. Chubs replied, "Huh! That was Sunny's first word!" Violet shouted in such an odagerous way, "SHCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The Quagmires, who were at the table with them, tried to console their friends. Duncan said, "Well, it isn't so bad, once you get used to it."

Said Isadora in an Isadoraly way, "Of course, Nero has his bloody, pumpy, humpy violin concerts every night. But he didn't have one yesterday because he was in the middle of an orgy…that happens a lot. Carmelita, Snotty boy, and Fatso who always slobbers his lunch love Nero's concerts, though." Chubs agreed, "I do so agree! I knew that sort of people would love odiferous arts! But who is the leader of their posse?" Duncan answered, "They're Carmelita's groupees. Like you guys are to us!" "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" exclaimed Violet ,"We are not your groupies, you're OUR GROUPEES!!!!!! Do you know why? Well, guess what? We're the #$%& stars of this series!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Duncan cried at his defeat. MEGA DISSSSSSSS!

Late that night, everyone was forced to go to the auditorium to listen to Nero's concert, "Good evening," Nero said in a voice of penguins, "the theme for tonight's performance is ho-down…observe!" several incredibly ugly students came onto the stage with him, these were Carmelita and her posse, Carmelita herself was dressed like Dolly Parton {complete with bleached wig}. "Now," Nero proclaimed, "we begin!"

Everyone in the room began to scream in terror as Nero played a horrible rendition of a bouncy ragtime tune, as he did this he sang, "Oh…look down there it's Cotton-Eyed Joe, I've been waitin' from a long time ago, where'd, you come from where'd you go, where'd you come from Cotton Eyed Joe?" Carmelita and Co. began to incorporate to queer dance moves as the Baudelaires, the Quagmires, and every other sane person in the auditorium began to bash their heads against their seats in horror. Soon the room was full of the smell of pot. Mr. Remora and Mr/Ms. Bass

were basking in the smell, "!"

A/N: In this chapter, you can see how creepy these teachers can be. Still, even I wonder, when is Count Olaf going to come in? Find out in the next chapter!

Enjoy! :DDDDDDDDDDD

As usual, Chapter 5 is coming next Friday!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5, Coach Mohan

{He's not a coach!}

A/N: We'd like to thank all our reviewers from Chapter 4, The Baudelaire Orphan {who is cool enough to keep updates regular!}, and MISS SUNNY BAUDELAIRE {love the caps! Oh, and thanks for adding us to your favorites!} Well...that being said, we begin!

Disclaimer: {quiet voice} Hey, guess what? {sudden furiously loud voice} WE OWN NOTHING YOU RECOGNIZE FROM OTHER MEDIA IN THIS FIC!!!!!!!!!!!

The Baudelaires slept in the following morning as it was Saturday and they had no lessons. Violet though was awakened by the queerest sounds on earth…her brother singing AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! HOLY CRAP!

Chubs had taped a picture of Isadora on one of the craps playing crabs and was now dancing around the orphans shack with it singing, "Some say…life is a river…and it flows…down the way…some say…love is an ocean…and we shall find it some day!" the crab promptly pinched Chubs on the nose, to which Chubs screamed like Fay Re {did I spell her name right?} in King Kong.

"Klaus, what are you doing?" asked Violet, getting up from the hay stack she had been sleeping in, "Oh, nothing…dear sisters!" said Chubs, embarrassed, "Beesh!" shouted Sunny, which meant, "Perv!" "_Perv!" _mimicked the damn annoying voice of Principal Nero as he stood in the doorway of the shack looking like a farfignuggin as usual, "I have intruded on your hellish sanctum of hell to introduce you to our new gym teacher Coach Mohan!"

Just then a tall freakizoid wearing a knit cap and gay robes stepped into view, the Baudes were too stupid to realize that this man was the hobo that had pounced on them at the gate on their very first day. "Hello. I'm the famous gym teacher that everybody knows about. If you don't, you're a peasant!" declared Coach Mohan. Nero agreed to this by saying, "I have heard of you, my sweet! But these damned children haven't! You only started out as the hobo outside our gate. Then, somehow, you became a famous gym teacher!" Chubs began to cry. He sobbed, "Shame on me! Shame on me! I'm sorry I've never heard of you! Oh woe! Oh woe is me!" Coach Mohan replied, "Don't worry, orphan. Don't worry. Just one lesson you need to learn. Sometimes, the people that seem the most dangerous can be the most fun {he whistled out a perverted little tune tune}!"

That evening, the Baudes were at Nero's nightly concert when suddenly, a voice whispered to Chubs, "You and your orphan buddies come with me to the outside world!" This person was Coach Mohan. Chubs screamed like hell, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Coach Mohan covered his mouth with a paper towel. He led the orphans to a place on the school lawn where there was a luminescent circle. "First, I need to test your athletic skill." Coach Mohan began, "For example, pretty girl. Jump over the candlestick!" This particular candle had a large blue flame. When Violet tried to jump over it, her ass was lit aflame. She started to scream and run around in circles. Sunny's test was rather hard. She had to crawl under a length of barbed wire. She got quite a good deal of scratches and bled profusely before being magically healed by Plot Murderer #2. Chubs had the easiest challenge. He just had to kick off a football. Coach Mohan was teeing the ball. Chubs exclaimed, "I'm going to kick this ball straight to the moon!" When Chubs was about to kick the ball, Coach Mohan took the ball away, making Chubs fall to the ground. "AHHHHHHHHHH!" Chubs yelled as he fell to the ground.

After writing down some grades, he said, "Excellent! You are now in my Dumbass Orphans Running Program! D.A.O.R.P for short." Since they were extremely dumb and didn't know they did so horribly on there first tests, Violet just asked, "What's that?" Coach Mohan replied, "All you have to do is run laps around this luminescent circle during Nero's concerts." "Po!" said Sunny, which here means, "But for how long?" "Until you are willing to get jiggy with me!" replied Coach Mohan, after his remark the miserable Baudelaire orphans started to weep.

"OH CRAP!!!!!"

"OH KNUCKLEBUGS!!!!"

"RAPSHEET!!!!"

Since the orphans didn't want to get jiggy with Coach Mohan, they had to run laps until morning when the sun started to shine on Mohan's cap. To this, the Baudes reacted by saying: "SAY WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!"

A/N: I wonder, who do you think Coach Mohan really is? Is he really just Coach Mohan? Find out next time on the next chapter of "THE QUEER ACADEMY!"

Expect Chapter 6 up next Saturday! :)


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6, SAY WHAAAAAT!

Disclaimer: We…own…NOTHING THAT YOU RECOGNIZE!!!!!! Sheesh!

A/N: We'd like to thank our reviewers, The Baudelaire Orphan {keep up with your witty coments:)!}, TARDIS Queen {Awesome!} and MISS SUNNY BAUDELAIRE {yes the coach is a hobo:)}. And now, on with the story!

"SAY WHAT!" said Isadora Quagmire. Chubs replied, "Oh it is true! That wicked man kept us running from dusk till dawn!" "Shanka noda esprada mama pizza pie!" exclaimed Sunny, which meant, "For the last damn time, it's true!"

The Baudes and the Quags were at lunch and they were all confused. "I do say that muscular man looks familiar, but it doesn't ring my bell. DING, DING, DING, DING!" said Chubs, while stuffing some pie into his mouth. "What do you mean he looks familiar?", said Violet. "Also he's barely muscular. Are you like, in love with him, Klaus?" "Call me Chubs!", exclaimed Chubs ferociously. "And no, I am not in love with this Coach Mohan! I'm just very interested in him. Besides, I'm not the one who wants Coach Mohan in my figgy pudding!" "Are you saying that I like him?", replied Violet. "I'm not the one who has googly eyes for Isadora!" To this, Isadora said, "WHAT! Well I'm not the one who's in love with Mohan!"

"Oh, girl I know you ain't goin' there! There are way too many Violaf fics already!"

This fight went on for some time until I got tired and wanted to shorten things by summarizing the events of the next few weeks!

Day 1

It was night on the school lawn and Duncan was picking flowers and waltzing about like a pansy when Carmelita suddenly skipped up to him with a cry of, "Cakesniffer!" Duncan retaliated, "Well…Carm…li…ok…po…sjofiw-itfrwrit-wir-wit09ewfes,f;;'dkaewopr..." Carmelita began to get bored of Duncan's stupidity and was just about to leave when Duncan burst into song aided by the musical talents of John Williams and the Londen Symphony Orchestra, "Suddenly," Duncan sang, "I look in your eyes…and see a reflection of me…" Carmelita began to sing as well, "I never realized that you…had such brilliant eyes…" they sang in a really disturbing harmony, "We never noticed how much we loved each other…but that's all going to change!"

{A\N Plot Murderer #2 here, I believe we will go down in history as the first Duncan/Carmelita shippers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!}

Day 2

After yet another Dumbass Orphan Running Exercise, Sunny shouted, "Shinky!" which meant, "You two go ahead, I've got to talk with Mohan!" Violet and Chubs were too tired to argue and went off to the shack. Mohan looked down at Sunny and said seductively, "So, now that we're alone…" "Zageet!" Sunny cut in which meant, "Let's do it baby!"

I need not describe what happened next, suffice it to say there were obscene noises to be heard throughout the school for the rest of the night.

Day 3-Whatever

Chubs would try to flirt with Isadora, failing miserably, Nero, Remora and Bass would hold nightly threesomes, and everyone but Violet would continue to hold with strange relationships.

Violet became pissed at us for being the only normal character in the story and would swear us out on an hourly basis.

Oh, and the Baudes were all tired from way too many laps every night {Sunny didn't mind though, because she looked forward to her 'fun time' with Mohan afterwards}.

A/N: You might wonder why this part of the chapter was cut into days. The reason is because Plot Murderer #2 or super freak thought it would be nice to cut it into days like some kind of flashy montage.

Oh, and Chapter 7 is already up. I'll explain there! :)


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7, In Which We Attempt to Discover the Super Evil Plan of Evilness!!!!!!!

Disclaimer: You know what? We own nothing that you recognize from other forms of entertainment!

A/N: We're putting this up at the same time as Chapter 6 because we won't be around next week. We're going to EUROPE!!!!!!!!!!! For Easter you know. So, get reading!

The weeks went by, Violet was too tired to listen to Mr. Remora's tales of romance with Nero, Chubs was too tired to measure the obscene things Mr./Mrs. Bass presented with him and Sunny was to tired to play 'sexy secretary' with Nero…I know, eww right? We're all pervs!

One day, Nero summoned the Baudes to his office {As seen in Chapter 2}. Once there Nero greeted them with a cry of, "You damned little brats! You have been failing class, Remora and Bass have been too pissed to carry on with me at night, and the baby is failing to please at my evil sex games!" Violet began to choke on the spit flying out of Nero's mouth and Chubs began to weep, "Does this mean that I am…failing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have never before failed a class…NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh why…WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!" "Well, cutie," said Nero, "You have. So I guess you should be studying now." "For what?" asked Violet. Nero answered, "All of you will get these extra hard exams from Mr/Mrs. Bass and Mr. Remora." "COOOOOO?" exclaimed Sunny, who meant "What about for me, you douche?" Knowing what that meant, Chubs said, "Oh Sunny! Why would you want to take these exta hrd tsts! U shoud tri an easier levl! Like…"

{A/N: I'm sorry about the misspelled words. I'm just typing stupid language.} "GOBBYYYYYYYY!" Sunny interuppted, also meaning, "It just reminds me of a glorious and handsome lover!" Finally, Nero said, "Oh! I'm giving a really hard stapling exam!" "But…" Violet tried to say, but it was too late because Nero had kicked them out.

The Baudes met their friends the Quags in the Orphans Shack.

"Oh crap!" yelled Violet, "We'll never study for the exams in time!" "OH RATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"GIGGGY GAGAGAGAGAGA!"

Trying to cheer them up, Isadora said, "Don't worry! We will find an easier way to study!" "Yes," said Duncan cheerfully, "You can try to study and staple packets, while we will look more closely into the secrets of Coach Mohan" "What a brilliant plan, my good friend!" exclaimed Chubs.

They began to sing while wiggling their ears, "Genius of the Restoration…" Chubs began, "Aid our own Recalculation!" Duncan concluded, "We can do it because the pen is mightier than the sword!" "Okay, okay," Said Violet, "We understand that we can do it!" "YAAAAAAY!", yelled Sunny.

So they went outside and jumped into this random fountain and they had a good time for about 30 minutes as the 'Friends' theme song played in the background!

So the Baudes went off studying and Sunny went on to make her staples and kept on dreaming about Coach Mohan, and the Quagmires went to research about Coach Mohan, but the only bad thing is that there was no information to be found on Coach Mohan! DUN, DUN, DUUUUUUN!

{A/N, Hey! Plot Murderer #2 here! I know, we're going through the book pretty quickly! Mainly because we're planning lots of nonsense chapters for later! Do I hear the cry of 'SONGFICS! SONGFICS!" Well we'll have some of those!}

Update coming in two weeks! Happy Easter to all!!!!!!!! :)


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8, We're Getting Tired of Plot Devices!

A/N: Hello, everyone! Hope you all had a good Easter! Europe was AWESOME!!!!!!!! Now to thank the Bauelaire Orphan for reviewing {I have no idea what 'douche' actually means...it's just

fun to say! Now, on we get!

Disclaimer: Oh, Lord! If anyone by this point hasn't grasped the fact that WE DO NOT OWN ASOUE they must be stark raving mad!!!

On yet another fateful afternoon, the Baudelaires and the Quagmires were sitting down to lunch, the Baudes, as usual were very tired, there friends were informing them, "We searched the library all yesterday and found absolutely nothing on Coach Mohan! We did find a lot of stuff on some guy named 'Count Olaf', do you know of him?"

"No."

"Not at all"

"Aga-po!" which means, 'I'm trying to sleep here!'

Chubs looked down and noticed his baby sister sleeping in some pasta with tomato source. "Oh my Lord!!!!!" Chubs exclaimed at seeing the red stains all over Sunny, "Sunny's been murdered!!!!!!!!!"

Violet straightened up, "Who did it? Where? With what?"

The cafeteria turned into a winding maze with nine doors leading off of them. More peculiar then this, however, were the clothes being worn by our principals, Violet was wearing a strapless red gown, Chubs was wearing a blue evening dress and a headdress adorned with peacocks feathers, Sunny was apparently lying dead in the center of the maze, Duncan was wearing a yellow military uniform, Isadora was wearing a black and white maids outfit, Nero {who was there for some weird reason} was wearing a purple tuxedo and had a monocle in his eye, finally, Mohan {who was also there} was wearing a green tuxedo and smoking a big cigar.

"WTF?!" exclaimed Nero, "What in blue blazes is going on here?!"

Suddenly, a butler {whose name happened to be Wadsworth} appeared before them, "Welcome to Clue Land!" said he in a clipped British accent, "We must discover who killed Sunny, where, and with what! Who wants brandy?"

"All right!" everyone consented, they all took glasses, Chubs began to sip his drink when Nero dashed up and exclaimed, "Maybe it's poisoned!" Chubs began to scream madly, dropped his glass and began spinning around on the spot; Mohan dashed forward and slapped Chubs across the face, panting, "I had to stop him from screaming…"

"Ah!" exclaimed Nero, "What a kind and sexy man you are Mohan! This is why the orphans will be in your custody if they fail their exams!"

"Oh," began Isadora slowly, "so now we know Mohan's evil plan!"

"Ahem!" harrumphed Wadsworth, "We still have to find out who killed Sunny."

"Ah, screw Sunny!" was the resounding cry, everyone promptly marched out leaving Sunny lying around in a really pissed of fashion.

Everyone then were magically teleported back to Prufrock Preps cafeteria. ""O.K." began Violet; "Now that we know Mohans plan to kidnap us and get our expansive fortune we can try and stop it!"

A/N: Sorry for the short chapter! Hoped you liked the Clue refrence!

As usual, update is coming next Friday!:)


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9, A very trippy plan

Disclaimer: We own nothing! Bye-bye…I need some soup!

A/N: Plot Murderer #2 here! We would like to thank the Baudelaire Orphan for Reviewing {We're American, BTW} Keep up the good work!

"So," began Violet commandingly, she, her siblings and the Quags were assembled in the Orphans' Shack thinking of ways to foil Coach Mohan's evil plan of evilness. Violet continued,

"I think that we should kill Mohan with some sort of poison, and then transport him to Mexico via big poultry van…" "Um, sister dearest," Chubs remarked tentatively, "that plan is indeed rather farfetched…"

Duncan then stepped forward and began, "Well, maybe I could have my new girlfriend Carmelita distract Mohan with some sort of elaborate seduction sequence!"

Sunny was rather impressed with Duncan's plan, saying, "Asoka!" which meant, "Aren't you clever..." suddenly, Sunny realized something, "Sop-dat!" which meant, "But, that means that that slut Carmelita will be alone with my lover…NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" "AWWWWW!" remarked Isadora, "Isn't that cute?" she then bent over and smelt Sunny. "Looks like somebody is jealous of Carmelita and needs to be changed!" Sunny screamed while Chubs was changing her. Violet turned on the annoying tones of the evil, poop inspiring, 'Yanni'.

When the changing ended, Violet turned off the radio and said, "So that's our first step. What next?"

Chubs raised his hand like a childish baby and shouted out "I KNOW! I KNOW! I KNOW!" Violet answered, "What is it, Chubs?" Chubs exclaimed, "While the seduction sequence is distracting Coach Mohan, we stuff all different kinds food into his mouth and then he sufacates onto himself!"

Isadora said in a mean voice, "That's incredibly stuipid! What if Duncan and I search Mohan's office while you three study for your exams during Carmelita's distraction?" "But what about the D.A.O.R.P running sessions?" asked Violet. "That's the whole point of the distraction!" explained Isadora, "To keep Mohan from remembering the D.A.O.R.P running sessions! Anybody dislike the idea or have any questions?" Chubs and Sunny's hand went up.

Isadora said, "Chubs first." Chubs answered, "I have a question. Can I eat the carrot cassarole I cooked for my old plan?"

"Yes, you may."

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"

"Now you, Sunny."

"A BOO A DO!" meaning in Sunny language, "I defently dislike this plan. So you can count me out on this…."

Violet interuppted her by saying, "I'll give you a cookie if you stop whining." "Gonk?" Sunny asked, which meant, "What flavor?" Violet replied, "Any flavor you like." "YAAAAAAAAAAAY!" Sunny shouted out joyfully. While leaving the Orphan's Shack, Duncan said, "I'm going to woo my lovely Carmelita into our plan. See you guys later!" "I'm really starting to think that the odiferous relation ship Duncan has with Carmelita is surely getting out of hand!" Chubs exclaimed.

A/N: Plot Murderer #1 speaking. I know everybody here is getting a relation ship. Even the baby! Which I think is unusual, but still, why isn't Violet getting a relation ship? Go read the rest of the story to see if Violet has a secret admirer, and if Duncan's woo will work. This story has an orgy of relationships.

Update next Friday!;)


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10, We are Asshats.

Disclaimer: You know what? You already know that we own nothing pertaining to ASOUE…except the plot of this fic…yeah…just get reading already!

A/N: Sorry for being a little late with posting! Document Manager decided to be an ass with us. We'd like to thank all of our reviewers, The Baudelaire Orphan, Alice Clone of the World {Thanks for adding us to your faves!} and

That very evening, Carmelita coaxed Coach Mohan into going into her room {which he readily accepted because he was a was so interested in the activities of you girls}. They treated themselves to one of Sunny's bottles of William's Ale. Presently, Coach Mohan turned on a boom box playing some disturbing show tunes and put his hand halfway down his pants. But then, a change of music came on. "THE BIRD...BIRD...BIRD IS THE WORD!" sang the radio. Carmelita and Coach Mohan danced to the song in a burst of rapturous energy. Music and strange sounds were heard throughout the evening. Sunny was just watching {she had taken a break from staple practicing to spy in her beloved}and noticed that Coach Mohan was missing {how the hell did he disappear fight before our eyes}! Then, suddenly, Sunny joined in the dancing madness. Also, since he missed Carmelita, Duncan joined as well. And then Violet joined because she wanted to {take that society!}. Meanwhile, Chubs and Isadora were looking in Coach Mohan's office. Chubs was eating all of the caviar Coach Mohan had in his mini-fridge while Isadora was going through Mohan's desk. "Could you just look at the important stuff, not the food?!" Isadora yelled at Chubs. Then Chubs begged for a little bit of Coach Mohan's water, and Isadora answered, "All right." When Chubs had one, two, three, chicken, infinity sips of water, he started to choke and run around the office, knocking stuff down until he spat out a picture of Coach Mohan naked. The picture was signed 'Actor/killer creepazoid, the great Count Olaf.' The 'Great Count Olaf' had some kind of creepy obscene tattoo on his left ankle, his prominent forehead was graced by a equally prominent uni-brow. Isadora exclaimed, "This is the right evidence, Chubs! You actually did something we need! Have a biscuit." "YAAAAAAAAY!" replied Chubs as he ate the biscuit. "All we have to do is leave this picture here in the bottle where you found it, and keep everything the way it was, then we try to get his knit-cap and running shoes away from him so we can expose those creepy things that he's got!" Isadora said in rejoice and happiness, but then, suddenly, {In the grand tradition of Lemony Snicket, I shall omit the following sequence leaving you to speculate what it is they were doing}. In the morning, Isadora and Chubs explained their plan of domination over Mohan or now, Olaf, to the two other Baudes, Duncan and even Carmelita, and everybody was pleased except for Sunny who didn't want to take down Olaf, but then, after being spanked, she was forced to say yes to the plan.

A/N: We're drawing to the end folks! Yes I omitted Chubs and Isadora's {whatever it was} in the sma way that Lemony got rid of Violet and Quigly's time on the ledge

Update coming next Friday!:)


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11, Exams Are Evil!!!!!!!!!!!

Disclaimer: We own NOTHING!!!!!!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH

A/N: Happy Friday! We'd like to thank our reviewer The Baudelaire Orphan {At least _you_ still review!} Enjoy the Chapter!

"EXAM TIME!" shouted Chubs excitedly, the Baudes, Quags and Carmelita were gathered in the Orphan's Shack waiting for fate to come. Suddenly, there came the wailing sounds of a dying cat!!!!! Yep, you guessed it.. Nero, his hair in ponytails, his pants all bunchy and weird, and his high groupees, Mr. Remora and Mr/Mrs. Bass with him. "Your exams are ready, so you have to answer the questions when the teachers ask you one!" explained Nero, "We will begin…NOW!"

Mr. Remora began to Violet, "In my story about the dancing walrus, what was the whale pimp's name?"

"Alehandro." Replied Violet.

"_Alehandro!" _mimicked Nero, while dancing around the shack like an idiot, "She must be wrong, Mr. Remora!"

To which, Mr. Remora replied, "I'm sorry to tell you this, my love…but Violet is right." "I am now pissed!" exclaimed Nero, "Bass, now ask Klaus…I mean Chubs a question!"

"Very well," droned Mr./Mrs. Bass, "Chubs, exactly how long was my #%&*?"

{Hi, Plot Murderer #2 here! Yes…um, sorry for any disgusting images that may have popped up in your head as a result of our perveness, please continue reading?:(}

"Exactly one millimeter…smallest thing in the world!" Chubs replied, to which, Mr./Mrs. Bass looked rather embarrassed.

Mr. Remora then asked Violet, "In my story about the peculiar tomato, what was his favorite color?"

"Flamingo pink."

"_Flamingo pink!"_

"Right again!"

Mr. /Mrs. Bass asked Chubs, "Exactly how long were my lucky panties?"

"3 miles in each direction."

"_3 miles in each direction!"_

"You're right!"

After a whole hour of completely stupid questions, all of which, the elder Baudes answered correctly, Mr. Remora summed up, "Well, the exams are done and you both did swimmingly!"

"Ha, ha!" laughed Chubs, "Swimmingly is a funny word!"

"Alright then!" Nero exclaimed, pissed, "But I must see Sunny's packets! I haven't seen her all morning!"

"Pishipoi!" screeched Sunny as she crawled into the shack, holding eleventy million bazillion paper packets, all of which were beautifully stapled, by the by, 'Pishipoi' means, "I just came back from Staples where they did these packets for free!"

"Oooooooooooooooooo…!" gasped Nero, "Such beautiful packets, Sunny! Very well, by the power invested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife!"

Everyone stared at Nero, very weirded out, "Woo-ho! You passed your exams!" exclaimed Duncan, "I'm so proud of you Klaus!" exclaimed Isadora, "Call me Chubs!" Chubs insisted as they started to make out madly, "I guess you guys aren't cakesniffers after all!" said Carmelita kindly.

A/N: This is Plot Murderer #2 here, we're almost done, I will probably type the next chapter, but Plot Murderer #1 will provide with some ideas…many plot twists to come!!!!!

Update coming next Friday!


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12, The Accusation is True!

Disclaimer: WE OWN NOTHING!

A/N: We'd like to thank our reviewers, the lovely Baudelaire Orphan {you've stayed with us until the end!} and Gypsy Rosalie {Thank you so much for faving us! You're absolutely amazing! Now, on to the story!

And now, as I warm the hearts of my lovely fanbase, another fellow entered the Orphan's Shack, he was a grown man and was very fat…but not as fat as Chubs {because Plot Murderer #1 insists that no one can be fatter then Chubs} he wore a top hat and a black suit, and the Baudes remembered him as Arthur Poe, a strange banker and old family friend who coughed a hell of a lot.

"Hello Baudelaires!" exclaimed Mr. Poe, joyously, "{cougity, cough} I am so terribly sorry to hear about your parents, and I would have come sooner, but I was trapped in Dementia and narrowly escaped the Soul Demons. I am especially happy to see _you _Chubs." Mr. Poe and Chubs had always been grand old friends and there duo was called the 'Chubsy, Wubsy, Dubsy, Clan'.

Mr. Poe continued, "I am now obliged {cough, cough} to take you away from this hellhole school, and take you to a real guardian…like the Dursleys from 'Harry Potter'!

The children cheered, and there friends embraced them for their good luck…they promised to keep in touch via Facebook.

And now, my dear readers, you may press the little orange X button in the upper right corner of your computer screen and enjoy our story's happy ending and not read the horrible festering misfortune that is to come in the very next paragraph…

Suddenly, in the midst of their celebrating and huggles, none other then Coach Mohan…or should I say Count Olaf! Entered the shack…without his knit cap and running shoes, leaving his uni-brow and tattoo…which, due to censorship reasons, I must pixilize…exposed. Everyone turned to look at him, "Wow!" exclaimed Violet, "We didn't even have to expose him! He exposed himself!" "Sheek?" gasped Sunny, which meant, "So it was true…you are an evil mastermind…but I still love you!"

The Baudes explained the story of Count Olaf to the other adults who finally began to understand, "Very well Mohan…or Olaf!" shouted Nero menacingly, "I misjudged you, and you're fired!" And here Olaf replied, "Who cares? I only took the job so I could scheme my sexy self into seducing a baby and getting my ugly ass hands on the Baudelaire fortune!"

"Indeed!" quipped Chubs, "And I'd take an even bet that it was you who orchestrated the train accident that killed our parents!"

"Very well," said Olaf calmly, "the accusation is true! I remember it well! A few months ago, two people in the road, my train was going fast, fast, fast! And so I killed them!"

"You bastard!" exclaimed Violet, "You single handedly ruined the best years of my life!" "Who said anything about single handed?" asked Olaf, he snapped his fingers, and a helicopter landed on the school lawn just outside the shack, out of it came five circus freaks, a hook handed dude, a he/she {just like Mr./Mrs. Bass!}, a bald guy with a long nose, and two women with white powder all over their faces. They surrounded the Orphan's Shack, with saucy meatballs ready to throw.

"I'd like to introduce you, to my helping hands!" Olaf said, gesturing towards the freaks, "Ah," began Duncan as he put on a fedora, "But it is not so easy…" Duncan pulled out a machine gun and trained it on Olaf, "One wrong move, buster and I drill you full of holes…why I remember the last time I saved a guy's life, it was in a pool room…" Duncan looked up from his rant and saw that Olaf had grabbed Carmelita and pressed a revolver against her head, "Drop the gun," began Olaf menacingly, "drop the gun Dr. Duncan or the Fraulein dies."

"But she's one of them!" exclaimed Mr. Poe, "What?" shouted Duncan, unable to process Mr. Poe's mucus riddled sound waves. ""Duncan, please…" cried Carmelita, struggling against Olaf's grip. Duncan couldn't decide what to do, should he drop the gun or fire…he dropped the gun…on his foot, while he screamed in agonizing pain, Olaf pushed Carmelita forward, "I'm sorry," she sobbed at him, "I'm sorry I was a crappy actress." And with that, Carmelita Spats kicked her boyfriend in the privates. "I misjudged you Carmelita," Chubs began in his Sean Connery voice, "I knew you'd shell your mother for an Etrshcan vashe, but I never knew you'd shell your shoul to the shlime of shumanity."

{It's a Sean Connery accent...heh.}

"Oh, shut up Bookey the Bookworm!" said Carmelita snappishly, "He's the best I can do right now, and I intend to have sex with him tonight!"

"Soping-wa!" screamed Sunny in rage, which meant, "My lover has betrayed me!"

"Very well," said Olaf, "We'd best be going!" he and Carmelita turned to leave, and it was just then that everyone else in the shack noticed that the Quags were missing, on further inspection, it was revealed that they had been carried away by the two white faced women that were members of Count Olaf's henchman brigade, "Isadora!" Chubs exclaimed, running out of the shack, leading the line of people who were bent on catching the villains. "Duncan!" Violet shouted, "I love you!" "I love you too!" Duncan shouted as he was shoved in the helicopter, "Chubs!" Isadora called as she two was placed in the chopper, "I want to say, that last night was the best night of my life! I love you!"

Chubs was almost at the helicopter, when he tripped and twisted his ankle in a way akin to the blond chick in horror movies.

"I'll be back for your fortune, Baudelaires!" Count Olaf called as the chopper began to take off, "You can count on it! Ha, ha! Get it, because I am a Count!"

As the helicopter flew off, the Baudes sank to the ground, sobbing for the loss of their friends and lovers.

"Well {cougity, cough, cough}," Mr. Poe began, "I'd best take you to your new guardian!"

A/N: From both of us. Now, reader, do not fret, for we have a nonsense chapter to conclude our story, and as soon as we finish this, we shall write a sequel!

Update Coming Next Friday! :)


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13, And Then There Were Songfics!

Disclaimer: FOR THE LAST TIME...WE DON'T OWN ASOUE!

A/N: So, this is the end! We'd like to thank the Baudelaire Orphan and Gypsy Rosalie as well as all the other wonderful reviewers who have liked our story! We present some lovely {slightly edited} song fics for your amusement!

Duncan to Carmelita:

"Last Christmas"

Duncan: Last Christmas, I gave you my heart.

The very next day, you gave it away!

This year, I'll save you my tears, I'll give it to someone special!"

Carmelita: This year, you damn bastard! I'm sharing a bed with Olaf!

Duncan: You shut up...you conceited whore! You might as well go to hell!

Chubs and Isadora together:

I Got A Feeling

Chubs and Isadora: "I've got a feeling, WOOHOOO, that tonight's gonna be a good night!

"That tonight's gonna be a good night!

"Tonight's gonna be a good, good night!

Tonight's the Night! Let's Live it Up! I Got My Money! Let's Live It…UP!

"WOOOOHOOOO!"

Nero, Mr. Remora, Mr/Mrs. Bass, and Mr. Poe together:

I saw Three Ships

"I saw three ships on Christmas day, on Christmas day, on Christmas day! I Saw Three Ships on Christmas Day, on Christmas Day in the Morning!

"And What Were On Those Ships Those Three On Christmas Day, On Christmas Day?

"And What Were on Those Ships Those Three, On Christmas Day in the Morning!"

"The Virgin Mary and Christ Were There On Christmas Day on Christmas Day!

The Virgin Mary and Christ Were There on Christmas Day in the Morning!"

Violet to Duncan

You Belong With Me

"You're on the Phone with your girlfriend and She's Upset, She's Mouthing Off About Something That You Said, Because She Doesn't Get Your Humor Like I Do…

"I'm In My Room It's a Typical Tuesday Night, Listening To The Kind of Music That She Doesn't Like, She'll Never Know You're Story Like I Do…

'Cause…She Wears Short Skirts, I Wear T-Shirts, She's Cheer Captain and I'm on the Bleachers! Thinkin' bout' the day when you realize that what you're lookin' for has been there the whole time...if you can see that I'm the one who understands you, been here all along so why can't you...SEE? YOU BELONG WITH ME!

Sunny and Olaf Together

Don't Go Breaking My Heart

Sunny: "Don't Go Breaking My Heart…"

Olaf: "I Couldn't If I Tried…"

Sunny: "Oh, Honey If I Get Restless…

Olaf: "Baby, You're Not That Kind…"

"Both: Woo-hoo…Nobody Knows It…Nobody Nooessssss!

Olaf:"I Won't Go Breaking Your Heart…"

Sunny: "You Won't Go Breaking My Heart!"

Olaf: "Don't Go Breaking My…

Sunny: "Don't Go Breaking My…

Both: "Don't Go Breaking My Heart!"

Whole Cast

Don't Stop Believing

"Just a Small Town Girl…Living in a Lonely World! She Took the Midnight Train Going Anywhere!"

"Just a City Boy! Born and Raised in South Detroit! He Took the Midnight Train Going Anywhere!"

"Sitting in a Smokey Room, Smell of Wine and Cheap Perfume! She Took the Midnight Train Going Anywhere! "Streetlights, Gleaming! Shadows, searching! Walking on the boulevard! People looking in the night!

Working hard to get my fill,

Everybody wants a thrill!

What I'd do to roll the dice just one more time!

Don't stop believing!

Hold on to that feeling!

Don't stop believing!"

A/N: And So Concludes Book One in A Series of Queer Events written by the Plot Murderers! Look out for our sequel which will be based on The Vile Village {I know, we're not doing the books in order, it's more interesting this way!} The Crappy Village! Questions that will be answered in our sequel.

Where will the Baudes Go Next?

Who will be their guardian?

Can they save the Quags?

Will Sunny get over Olaf?

Will Chubs stop saying odiferous?

All these questions and more to be revealed! And now, I shift to Plot Murderer #1 who will tell you about another piece of crap parody he is working on.

Thank you Plot Murderer #2. My next parody will be a multicrossover featuring Star Wars, Family Guy, Harry Potter, Poirot, Nancy Drew and a bunch of other assorted crap which will be mentioned later. Plot Murderer #2 will provide with updates and news as to when the story will be posted!

Book 2 coming next Friday!

The End


End file.
